Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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