Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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