the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
