this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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