Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
