Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
