I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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