I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
