omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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