I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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