By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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