Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
