All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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