last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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