At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
