I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
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I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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