I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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