farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
