I cannot find my penis.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
