We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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