things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
