We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
