I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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