The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
