Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
