we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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