I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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