you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
