so explain again why im purple
no
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
