Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
