I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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