The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
