I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
