I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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