they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
