Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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