If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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