Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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