I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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