I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
