My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
