he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
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Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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