Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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