Just fell off a train. Bad.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
