Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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