What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
