Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
