why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize