hotel room ftw
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick