I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback