Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??