singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.