The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
