The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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