dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
