Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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