haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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