As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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