You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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