Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
