I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I lost the right to judge tonight
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
