I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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