ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
