No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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