Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hippo gnu deer
3pm strippers are depressing
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
