I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
