you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I could fuck to npr.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
