It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
