You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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