I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want to be your penis for a week.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
