why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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