I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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