I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
