So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
