R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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